


This is the Story of My Life

by aimless38



Series: Moving On [25]
Category: Weiß Kreuz, Weiß Side B (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Control, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-17 07:16:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4657479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimless38/pseuds/aimless38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally back in Japan Ken cannot deal with the memories assaulting him from all sides. The voices in his head get more insistent and Ken is forced to relive his past. The assassin goes on the run unable to cope. His former teammate sends his most talented operative to retrieve the wayward agent. Only Time will tell if they are able to help Ken regain his sanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

‘This is the Story of my life and these are the lies I’ve created’- 30 Seconds to Mars

“You’re brooding.”

“I’m not brooding I’m thinking. There’s a difference you know.”

“Oh really? I think I’ve known you long enough to tell when you’re blaming yourself for this mess.”

“Oh and whose fault is it then? I should have checked on them more. Should have known what might happen. I trusted him Nagi…to take care of my team.” Omi sighed as he stared out the window of the Kritiker corporate jet.

Nagi stood frowning at his long time lover and sighed.

“They’ve not been your team for years. You’re helping him now. That’s all that matters.” Nagi placed a hand on Mamoru’s shoulder.

“Look at him Nagi. Exhausted, injured and for lack of a better word…broken. Can we really help?” 

It was true. Ken was curled up in one of the lounge seats. His head resting on a pillow while he slept off a dose of pain medication and tranquilizers. It had been for the best really and Ken agreed. Dark circles carved out stark half moons under his eyes and his mouth was drawn tight with anxiety.

“Aya is counting on us. Besides we have some formidable help. If anyone can unravel the mess Ken has made of his psyche he can.” Nagi sat down in one of the plush leather covered seats. He took Mamoru’s chilled hand in his own. Once such displays of affection were foreign to the young telekinetic.

“Shit…I knew something was up when reports became sporadic. That was the deal. I fund his little operation and he keeps me informed. Well that is never going to happen again.” Mamoru leaned back and stared out the small window. Barely noticing the gathering dark clouds. It fit his mood as he thought about the call he’d received little more than a week ago. Also about the events that led up to where they were now.

Nagi was a solid, silent presence at his side as Mamoru recalled Aya’s plea. It was odd to hear the panic in the normally stoic redhead’s voice. About how Ken was slipping away from them all. Descending into bouts of depression and rage. The likes of which they could not seem to pull him out of. So in desperation Aya called the one person he thought could help. That had the resources to make it happen. Someone who understood what Ken was going through. About the memories that haunted him so. Because he’d lived it too.

There’d been a rushed conference and a hastily arranged trip to Europe. Mamoru never even had to ask Nagi to accompany him…it was a forgone conclusion. Despite the fact that Nagi didn’t care much for Ken. Part of it was the fact that Ken was Mamoru’s former lover. But Nagi’s dislike went deeper. Back to the brief time he’d attended the same orphanage as Ken. Where due to a traumatic event his abilities were brought fully on-line.

The first stop Mamoru made was to the castle to see one Richard Krypton. The question that Mamoru asked when he stood in the office of the distinguished looking English gentleman’s home was…what the hell happened?

He’d gotten a slickly worded explanation from KR’s rather formidable secretary. About Missions gone wrong, Ken’s drinking problems and rather violent mood swings. They’d been on the verge of confining Ken to a ‘rather pleasant little country estate’ where he could then be evaluated and treated.

Mamoru only shook his head at that notion. He was very surprised to learn that Aya hadn’t gone up to the castle when he heard that and shoved his katana somewhere very uncomfortable. The head of Kritiker was genuinely sorry that Aya had been unable to join them. There was trouble brewing as a group of vigilantes were killing their way through several prestigious geneticists and biochemists. All of whom were acquaintances of one Richard Krypton. This situation required careful monitoring. A remedy Mamoru intended to implement once back in Japan. So Weiss Side B could hardly spare sending one of their most formidable members off to baby-sit his lover.

So actually learning very little and leaving the castle with a distinctly bad taste in his mouth Mamoru and Nagi rode in the hired car to the flower shop that Weiss B called home. The blond had to smile a little at that. 

What was it about assassins and flower shops?

The building was four stories tall and of a rather nondescript brick. A double garage faced the street with a small door beside. Curving around the side of the building was a flagstone walkway leading to a small courtyard which held the shop entrance. It was this doorway Mamoru walked to with Nagi close behind. Their driver waited in the car parked on the street.

The courtyard was well tended and decorated with many pots of bright flowers and shrubs. The remainder of the walled yard was taken up by a largish old fashioned green house. Its glass misted over with condensation. All in all a very nice place to call home.

One that he would soon be taking Ken away from. Uprooting the brunette again and this time with no sure outcome of the results. Feeling more than a little guilty Mamoru knocked on the door after seeing the closed sign in the window.

Much to the head of Kritiker’s surprise an angelic looking young man opened the door. He was dressed in a bright yellow long sleeved t-shirt and dark blue denim jeans. Ah this must be Michel. How could he stand there looking so adorably innocent and be a trained killer? Mamoru supposed that once he looked like that too. Until life and circumstances created shadows that nothing would ever take away. 

After exchanging greetings Mamoru and Nagi were ushered through the shop and into a rather large eat in kitchen. The windows over the sink let in a lot of light and looked out over the greenhouse. Another door between two banks of cabinets also opened into the courtyard. 

Sitting at the table was a young dark haired man wearing glasses and pecking away at a laptop. He looked up at the newcomers and nodded his head in greeting. He was introduced As Yuki.

Sitting next to him was a tall exotic looking man with rather alien though not unattractive features. He was dressed in a long flowing tunic and held a mug of tea in his large hands. He too greeted Nagi and Mamoru. Nagi had yet to say anything. He was quietly sizing up the group. Alert for any problems. This person could only be Free.

Mamoru idly wondered where the people were he came to see. When into the room walked one of his former teammates and current friend. Still devastatingly handsome and graceful as ever. Mamoru looked at Aya and was a bit stunned when he approached the blond and hugged him. Mamoru froze momentarily and then relaxed into Aya’s warm embrace.

It seemed Aya had changed quite a lot over the past few years. His dark, vibrant red hair now trailed in a braid down his back. He was dressed causally elegant in a cream wool sweater and some gray linen slacks. 

When Aya pulled back Mamoru became distinctly aware of the dark circles under his eyes and the stiff set of his shoulders.

Standing close by was another man. This one too was attractive…model good looks and impeccably dressed in a dark blue cashmere pullover and black slacks. His platinum blond hair was artfully tousled and his hand lightly rested on Aya’s back. This no doubt was Chloe. One third of the trio of lovers that included Aya and Ken.

Which in of itself was quite amazing. Mamoru could think of three less likely people to have ended up together.

With his arrival the level of stress in the room gradually rose. They all knew that Mamoru was here to take away one of their teammates…their family.

Ever the host Chloe offered everyone some tea and soon they were all ensconced around the large table. After making some idle chit chat Mamoru finally broached the unspoken question.

Where was Ken?

Chloe and Aya looked at each other before Aya informed Mamoru that he was currently upstairs sleeping. He’d had a hard week and was still fighting the pneumonia caused by his recent injuries and poor overall health.

Mamoru was invited up to Ken’s room and he followed Aya up to the third floor. Nagi stayed behind and Chloe trailed them up the steps. At the first door at the top Mamoru hesitated in the doorway. Not sure if he was ready to see Ken for the first time in years.

They hadn’t parted on the best of terms and Mamoru was unsure of his reception. Even though he’d tried to repair their friendship. With the occasional phone call and letter. There was simply too much history between them to be cleared up with long distance contact.

Aya and Chloe both stood in the room waiting for him to enter. Finally Mamoru went inside. The décor frankly surprised him yet again. It was so unlike anything he could have pictured for Ken’s bedroom.

Heavy antique furniture dominated the room. Mismatched pieces lovingly chosen for their elegance and sturdy dark woods. A huge four poster bed dominated the room and dozing in the middle of the dark green duvet was his former lover.

Mamoru was a little shocked at what he saw.

Ken looked ill and exhausted. His pale skin contrasting sharply with the dark bedding. There were slight hollows under his cheek bones and his lips were drawn down in a frown even while resting. The brunette shifted fitfully and only stopped when Aya sat on the bed and carded his fingers through Ken’s hair.

That loving gesture was heartbreaking. Knowing that their time together was growing short. Chloe too reclined on the bed near Ken. Touching the assassin lightly on the back where he lay curled on his side.

As if sensing another presence in the room Ken’s back tensed and he opened his eyes.

Ken’s rough haggard voice broke the stillness.

“So this is it then?”

“It’s the only way Ken.” Aya said as he sighed. His hand never stilling in Ken’s hair. As if that was the only thing keeping him calm.

“It’s not as if I had any fucking choice in the matter. I’d better get up and get my stuff.” Ken sat up and shakily got to his feet. He shrugged off Aya and Chloe’s hands.

Mamoru stood still as Ken approached. Not sure of his reception he simply waited to see what Ken would do. Their last meeting had not been exactly pleasant.

“You haven’t changed all that much. Thousand dollar suits and Italian leather shoes but still a killer like the rest of us.” Ken smirked as he looked the young man over.

“You look like shit. Regardless of what you think I’m here to help. Whether you like it or not. I’m your last option Ken.” Not about to back down from his old teammate Mamoru matched Ken’s scowl.

Ken laughed though there was little humor in it.

“Yeah I get that. I suppose I should thank you now or something. Fine whatever…let’s just get this over with.” Ken turned his back on Mamoru and walked over to the large armoire. 

“Well I’ll be waiting downstairs then Ken. After you’ve said your goodbyes we can leave.” As Mamoru turned to leave he saw Aya mouth the words ‘thank you’. 

The blond nodded in acknowledgement. If it was for Mamoru not starting a fight with his surly ex-teammate or for coming to help he couldn’t say. But he knew Aya was grateful either way.

Uncomfortable with emotional goodbyes Mamoru politely thanked the rest of Weiss B and went outside to the courtyard to wait. Nagi followed and they stood there watching the house. Nagi knew Mamoru would not feel like talking so he was content to just be a solid supportive presence at his side.

Not more than an hour passed before the kitchen door opened. Out walked Ken with Aya and Chloe behind him. Aya carried a large duffle bag and set it on the ground. Mamoru could see Michel crowding the doorway with Free hovering protectively behind. There were tears in the young man’s eyes as he stood there. The other teen…Yuki also took up part of the doorway. He looked on with a distinctly unhappy frown on his face.

Aya got in front of Ken and looked him right in the eye.

“Ken please try. We all want you to get better. I want you to get better. So that you can come home.” Aya took Ken in his arms not caring who was watching.

“I love you, you know that. It would kill me to lose you. I’ll call you soon ok?”

Ken sagged in Aya’s arms and framed Aya’s face with his hands. The kiss was desperate and frantic. As if Ken was tying to hold onto what they had if even this last fleeting moment. Aya groaned into Ken’s mouth and tried to hold it together for the brunette’s sake. His eyes closed and he returned Ken’s affection every bit as ardently.

If Mamoru was a bit stunned by Aya’s blatant display of affection he didn’t let it show on his face.

Reluctantly they finally parted with Ken’s hand lingering on Aya’s cheek.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Ken whispered.

Aya grabbed Ken’s shoulders. “You can Ken. I have faith in you. You’re stronger than you think. Just remember that we’ll be here waiting for you.”

Ken looked over at Chloe and the tears he’d been holding at bay threatened to spill over. Chloe looked devastated. Standing there with his fists clenched biting his lip. Proof that he loved Ken evident in his eyes. This affected Ken more than Aya’s fierce declaration of love a few moments ago. 

Chloe…the man who had gotten in under all Ken’s defenses. The one who’d been a constant joy in Ken’s life before everything went to shit. The beautiful man that Ken was surprised to find he loved every bit as much as Aya.

Ken went to Chloe and clung to him tightly. The platinum blond rigid in his arms. Finally Chloe’s fists unclenched and he grabbed onto Ken. Gripping the back of his leather coat and burying his head on Ken’s shoulder. If Chloe’s grip hurt the slowly healing assassin he didn’t care. Ken needed this connection.

“God I’ll miss you so much Ken. Please come home to us.” Chloe breathed into Ken’s neck.

“Hey…I promise ok? C’mon it’ll be ok.” Ken could not help comforting his distraught lover despite being terrified himself.

Mamoru could hear a lot of sniffling from the kitchen door and knew without even looking that the diminutive blond was crying. He glanced over and saw the teen wrapped in the large assassin’s arms with Yuki patting him on the arm.

Mamoru sincerely hoped they would be finished soon. This was obviously hard on all of them. He did vow then and there to make sure he did send Ken back to them whole and as sound of mind as was possible in their profession. Nagi’s grip on his arm was reassuring. He knew Mamoru was upset as well. Not being emotionally invested in this group the telekinetic just wanted to leave as soon as possible. To keep his lover from any further traumatic upheavals.

Ken nudged Chloe’s cheek with his chin until the blond raised his head. He tenderly kissed Chloe’s parted lips. This kiss was lingering and sweet though not any less poignant than his with Aya. Ken carded his fingers through Chloe’s soft hair and sighed.

“I’ll miss you both. I never thought I could be a part of what we share. I was always on the outside looking in. But you two accepted and loved me.” Ken lifted his head to look at his whole team. “You all gave me something I thought I could never have again…a family. Thank you so much. I’ll miss you all.”

Ken held Chloe to him for a minute more. Whispered that he loved him in Chloe’s ear before leaving a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too Ken. Never forget that.” Chloe responded.

“Take care of him Chloe. Don’t let Aya sulk too much. Take care of them all…my family.” Ken pulled Aya into their hug and all three held onto each other for those last few precious moments. Then he stepped away before his courage failed him completely.

With a small grunt of pain Ken picked up his over stuffed duffle bag and joined Mamoru and Nagi.

Not trusting himself to glance back Ken walked out of the courtyard.

Mamoru briefly clasped hands with Aya and then he and Nagi followed.

The ride to the airport was uncomfortably silent. They got through the security gates rather quickly and were soon aboard a Kritiker company jet.

They all got settled. Nagi sitting next to Mamoru and Ken choosing a plush reclining seat as far away from his companions as possible.

Once at cruising altitude Mamoru opened the bag Aya pressed into his hands earlier and took out the pill bottles. Antibiotics, painkillers and a mild sedative.

Uncharacteristically Ken took them all without protest and lay back in his seat waiting for the oblivion that the medication promised. He soon fell asleep leaving Mamoru to his thoughts about their past and where their future lay.

Several hours into the flight the attendant served dinner. Ken roused briefly and ate very little before grabbing the thin blanket that had been laid over him earlier. He curled back up and slept again. Only the occasional coughing fit marring the hush in the cabin.

Mamoru quietly worked on some business matters while Nagi restlessly roamed the cabin. Finally he settled on a lounge chair and selected a movie.

As the trip wore on Nagi and Mamoru once more ended up sitting near each other chatting. Ken roused a few more times. Once to use the bathroom and then to ask for some water. He pulled an Ipod out of his pocket and placed the earbuds in then stared out the window. The sky was relatively clear above the thick cloud cover. Not much out the window held his attention.

The last few weeks left Ken exhausted and it was not long until he slept again.

Ken only roused when Mamoru gently shook him awake and asked that he fasten his seatbelt. They were coming up on Narita Airport and would be landing shortly.

Ken sat up and rubbed his eyes. He clicked the seatbelt in place and tried to keep his anxiety in check.

The thought of the immediate future frankly scared Ken to death. But back home he had lovers and a family waiting for his return. For them he would try to unravel the mess his life had become.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up groggy when the flight attendant politely inquired if I wanted some dinner. I blinked a few times and tried to work the dryness out of my mouth.

Fucking painkillers gave me such a hangover. But there was no way in hell I was making this flight without them. The tray was brought and I picked at the food. Not really hungry but I could tell by the way Omi was glancing over at me that I'd better make an effort. He seemed determined to mother me and that was not what I needed.

Leaving Aya, Chloe and the rest of my team was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Now I didn't really know what was going to happen. What Omi had planned to help me make sense out of the mess in my head was a total mystery.

I was heartsick, sore and more tired than I ever remembered being. I didn't feel like making conversation or having much at all to do with my new keepers. My tray was eventually taken away and I pulled my Ipod out of my duffle and put the earbuds in. The music I kept on really low as I slumped down in my seat. 

I must have dozed some more and when I woke I got up to stretch. My back and shoulders hurt like a bitch and it was hard to get comfortable. The persistent nagging cough made it hard to get any real rest. I used the head and went back to my seat. Just to pass the time I tried to pay attention to the movie on the little screen in front of me.

The luxury of the private jet was lost on me. The plush roomy seats and first class food just made me want to go home. Back to the flower shop and my family. The young man sitting across the cabin was a stranger to me. At one time I knew him better than myself. Or I though I had.  
Omi always kept a part of himself from everyone else. The darkest part, the cold blooded killer. It seemed the telekinetic sitting next to Mamoru knew him best now. They sat close together sometimes subtly touching and whispering to each other. It made me miss my own lovers with a fierce ache that was worse than any injury.

As if feeling my eyes on him Nagi glanced my direction. His gaze narrowed and I felt a chill go up my spine. Perhaps I was being paranoid but truthfully he gave me the creeps. The only two that freaked me out worse was Crawford and his red haired pet psychic. Oddly enough Farfarello didn’t get to me as badly. Physical violence I understood…perhaps all too well. Plus it was that one-eyed berserker I’d fought the most often. My skills a better match for his brand of mayhem.

In fact a few times I felt a sort of grudging respect from that member of Schwartz. An acknowledgement of a kindred spirit maybe. Damn he’d been strong though and blindingly fast. It’s a wonder I survived our skirmishes. Maybe he let me live. Who could tell anymore? As far as I knew he was dead now.

A fate I could have easily shared. Had my rages been allowed to continue out of control. I understood why I had to leave. But did that mean I wanted to go? Hell no!

The last week before my departure had been tortuously difficult. And I now found myself dwelling on it as I stared out the plane window. The grayish clouds a suitable backdrop for my troubled mind.

The morning after my declaration to the team I was taken back to the doctor for another checkup. I protested and was totally ignored. I’d had my fill of doctors and needles and pills.

It was with resignation that I sat through Dr. Morgan’s lecture. Another of the medical profession that was firmly in KR’s pocket. He’d been briefed on my condition and not happy at all with my progress.

The bullet wounds were healing but it seemed that the persistent cough and fluid in my lungs were not. Another round of antibiotics was prescribed along with a host of other pills that I didn’t have the energy to argue about. I was also given some rather specific instructions on strengthening my lungs. Exercises that while unpleasant would eventually help.

On the way home I practically begged Aya to stop at my favorite fast food place. I guess they were happy to see me even interested in food. I got no argument as Aya pulled into the parking lot and Chloe got out to get my food. He soon came back with a large bag. Enough for everyone.  
It was the first time in a while where we all sat down and shared a meal. It felt good…it felt like home. It also seemed so freaking final. As if these few happy moments I was able to steal would soon be yanked away. Despite that I was able to finish my burger and fries. Another round of medication and then back to bed.

Chloe goaded me into doing my exercises and then tucked me into bed. Sitting up on a mound of pillows. Magazines and my laptop within reaching distance. Then he left with Aya to go over the latest impending crisis for Weiss B. Personally I think they just needed a little time away. I didn’t blame them really.

I lay there feeling pretty much useless. I couldn’t help with any mission related intel and worry about future missions without me was eating me alive. At this point any new information about the violent killings plaguing the scientific community was pretty much useless. Whoever was committing those crimes were covering their tracks very well. That much I was able to coax out of Michel. Anything else was being kept from me.  
I idly flipped through a magazine when a light tapping on the door made me look up.

I cleared my throat and raspily called out. “Come in?”

I expected Michel to come through the door and was surprised when I saw Yuki hesitating in the doorway.

“Ken can we talk?” Yuki quietly asked.

I nodded and patted the bed next to me.

Yuki came into the room and sat on the very edge of the bed. I waited for him to say something.

“I’m still upset with you.” Yuki said quietly. He glanced at me and the hurt was clearly visible on his face.

“I know sorry doesn’t begin to cover it. I know it’s my fault Aya got hurt and you all almost got trapped in that warehouse.”

Yuki frowned at me.

“You really don’t know do you? Why I’m so mad?”

Really I didn’t. I assumed he was pissed because I was out of control and dangerous. Not knowing what to say I waited for Yuki to continue.

“I lost one family Ken. Back in New York. It all fell apart. The lies and the violence. The people I thought of as my parents at each other’s throats. Akagawa betraying everyone, killing Alison. She died to protect me. All I had left was Aya. He came back for me. Then I met all of you. I didn’t think I’d ever know what it was truly like to have a family.” Yuki paused then and tried to get himself under control. I could see the effort he was making.

“I…I’m sorry Yuki that you had to go through all that. That I messed this up for you too.” Now I felt even more like crap.

“No you idiot! You didn’t ruin it. I was scared! Scared I was going to lose it all again. Lose you too. You’re like the brother I never had. When you started falling apart, losing yourself. It hurt. That you wouldn’t let us help you. You pushed us away Ken. It made me angry. That you wouldn’t trust us.” Yuki got up and started to pace.

I watched as the young man walked back and forth.

“Yuki you are my family, you all are. I know I’m messed up, really badly. But I never intended to push you away. It seemed like a good idea when I was so out of it. I didn’t want to hurt any of you.” I sighed and Yuki stopped in front of me.

Yuki placed his hands on my shoulders and carefully hugged me. “Just try and get better. Let everyone help. Please?”

I closed my eyes and returned his hug fiercely. It touched me that the usually undemonstrative young man would open up like this to me.

“I will…I promise.” Yuki held on for a few moments longer before letting go and standing up.

“I’m going to hold you to that Ken.” Yuki smiled a little and left the room.

It gave me a lot to think about.

Like how I’d been a complete moron. At least I’d managed to partially mend one damaged relationship.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After that I was rarely left alone. Michel became an almost constant companion. It felt like he was trying to jam a lifetime of camaraderie in one short week. It was as comforting as it was heartbreaking. I knew my leaving would be especially hard on Michel. We’d bonded early on even before I’d become one third of my little threesome.

Michel made sure I ate, took my medicine and did the breathing exercises. He fretted as much as Aya and Chloe when my persistent fever came and went. Or when the coughing got especially bad.

I didn’t have the heart to send him away though. Free frequently joined the blond in keeping me occupied. The only thing Free really told me during my limited convalescence was that I’d made the right decision.

Then there was Aya and Chloe…god. How was I going to make it without them nearby? I knew that trying to create some distance to protect myself was not an option. I’d tried that before and it turned out disastrously. So I clung tightly.

The days went by too damn fast. But the nights were the hardest to bear. I fought sleep every evening in order to spend as much time as possible with them. My lovers even drastically altered their routines in order to be with me. When I had to get some rest Aya and Chloe were right there for me to sleep nearby.

Too sick and tired I really didn’t have the energy to take advantage of the situation. Although we held each other a lot and they indulged me in a few ways that didn’t involve straight out sex. The kissing I could not seem to get enough of or the gentle caresses. One night I even encouraged Aya to take Chloe. I wanted a memory to carry with me when I left. I watched as they made love. Yes I felt left out but I also knew that they’d have each other if things went horribly wrong.

I even managed to find some satisfaction too. Chloe, turning his attention from Aya, coaxed me to get hard and slowly sucked me off. Afterward as I lay trembling and trying not to cough they too found release.

In my bed we relaxed tangled together. Not caring that we could all use a shower. I lay with my head on Chloe’s abdomen and one leg thrown over his. Aya tucked in behind me carefully tracing my still healing bullet wound.

“I…I want you to promise me something.” I began.

“What is it Ken?” Chloe answered me softly.

“I want you to stay this way while I’m gone. Love each other. I couldn’t bear the thought of my leaving messing that up.” I looked up as Chloe’s hand brushed through my hair.

“Just like this Ken? While I’m not objecting to staying in bed Aya might not agree to months as my sex slave.” Chloe chuckled warmly.  
“Who says I’ll be YOUR slave Chloe.” Aya sleepily replied.

I smiled sadly at their banter. They were doing it for my sake. I took Aya’s hand in mine and laid the other over Chloe’s heart.

“I…mean if something goes wrong and I don’t make it back. Please promise me you’ll stay together.” Chloe frowned at me and I’m sure Aya wore a similar expression. Since his hand tightened in mine.

“Ken listen to me.” Aya had a deadly serious tone. I turned to him and yup there it was the expression I knew he’d have on his face.

“Nothing is going to go wrong. Trust Omi to help you. And on the slim chance something does? KR be damned but I’ll be on the next plane out.” Aya’s hand lightly stroked my cheek.

“I’d follow him you know? We all would. Like I could keep Michel away.” Chloe echoed Aya’s sentiment. 

I nodded and laid my head back down. Chloe was a definite snuggler and he pulled me close. Aya left briefly to get my meds and a wet washcloth.

Some time later, medicated and mostly clean I settled back into bed. Aya and Chloe holding me as they slept.

I found it impossible to rest. Too many thoughts crowded my head. Too many what ifs and maybes. Plus the incessant voices that seemed to be a constant companion anymore were whispering for attention.

So I lay there in the dark and waited for the dawn to chase away the shadows.

By the time Friday came I’d worked myself up to the point where Aya and Chloe practically had to tie me to the bed. I’d run out of time and now my leaving was being measured in hours and not days.

My fucking cough had gotten worse again and I wasn’t sleeping. How could I? My appetite fled and the house seemed to be closing in on me. My short temper though failed to drive anyone away. In fact they stayed even closer. Until that too made me want to scream in frustration.  
It wasn’t their fault. As Michel put it that morning…they didn’t want me to leave either.

As the day wore on though I became resigned to my fate.

Chloe dug my duffle bag out of the back of the closet. Then they both began to help me pack. I wasn’t taking much. Clothes and some toiletries. A few of books I’d started to read, my Ipod and a couple of pairs of shoes.

As I was putting everything in the bag Aya picked up a framed photo off my dresser. It was of the three of us lounging on my bed. Taken at a happier time. It was a Sunday afternoon and we’d been reading the paper. My head in Aya’s lap and my legs draped over Chloe’s thighs. Michel snapped the pic and gave it to Aya for his birthday.

My red haired lover looked at the image for a few moments then tucked it carefully into the top of my bag. The gesture nearly made me lose it right there. I grabbed onto Aya and held him as tightly as I could manage. I felt Chloe’s arms come around me from behind.

How long we stayed like that I have no idea but reality intruded when Aya’s cell phone rang. He pulled away to answer and I frowned. It was Mamoru updating Aya on his arrival time the next day.

Not wanting to hear the conversation I retreated to the bathroom to pack up my personal items. Somewhat at a loss I just stood there in front of the mirror. Glancing at my reflection was a mistake. Taken aback at my appearance I simply stared. I looked gaunt and ill. Always proud of my health I wondered just who this shell of a person was that peered back at me.

I managed not to flinch when Chloe came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He rested his chin on my shoulder and lightly kissed my neck.

“What are you thinking Ken?” Chloe asked softly.

“That I just want it to be over. I want my life back.” I sighed and let myself rest against the comforting warmth of his body.

“It’s not going to be easy but I have faith in you Ken.” Chloe murmured as he continued to look over my shoulder.

“At least someone does.” I replied frowning at my reflection.

“I thought we’d agreed that you wouldn’t put yourself down anymore.” Came a voice from the doorway.

I glanced behind me to see Aya stepping into the bathroom. He stood on my left and wrapped his arms around the both of us. Usually Aya was not so touchy feelie but with me leaving tomorrow I didn’t blame him.

I chose not to comment on Aya’s observation.

“So what did Mamoru have to say?” Not that I wanted to know but the silence was starting to get to me a little.

“Omi said he’ll be here late tomorrow afternoon. He was getting ready to leave when he called.” Aya’s hands clenching my shirt was an indication that he was upset too.

“Well I’d better finish packing then.” I started to throw things haphazardly into my toiletry bag. Chloe shook his head in exasperation and then rearranged everything. Neatly fitting it all into the medium sized black case.

Finding myself at a loss I went back into the bedroom.

I stood looking at the room I’d made my own. The first time I’d actually gave a damn about my surroundings. All of the furnishings carefully picked from estate sales and antique shops. The rather bohemian mish mash made the room look like home to me. Anchors that tied me to this life here. Ones that I was afraid I’d never see again.

With a heavy sigh I laid down on the bed. Chloe and Aya lingered in the bathroom doorway.

“Are you going to finish packing?” Aya asked softly as he sat down on the edge of the mattress.

“No…I can’t. Don’t want to.” I muttered into my pillow.

“That’s all right Ken I can do it for you.” Chloe added as he went over to the dresser and began to pull out clothing.

Soon the bag was stuffed full and Chloe had to struggle a bit to close the zipper. He set the bag by the door and joined me on the bed.

Feeling suddenly drained I didn’t even have the energy to lift my head as I felt hands stroking my back.

“Ken do you want to come downstairs and eat something?”

I lifted my head to look at Chloe.

“Not hungry.” I rolled onto my back despite the ache and put my arm across my eyes.

Seeing that bag by the door made any thought of eating fly right out of my head. Besides by the way my gut was churning I wouldn’t be able to keep it down anyway.

I felt my lovers lay down on either side of me. Passively I let them take me in their arms. Grateful that Aya didn’t try and push any food on me.  
The rest of the day came and went. I got up briefly to shower letting Aya and Chloe follow me into the large glassed in space. There was nothing sexual in the way they tenderly washed my abused body. As much as the hot water tried to soothe away my aches and pains I simply could not relax. Then dried off and in warm sweats I returned to bed. The strain was making me cough and Aya pushed my meds on me.

They left me feeling adrift and lightheaded. Eventually Aya and Chloe fell asleep and as I lay there I could not help staring. Memorizing every line of their features and contour of their bodies.

The combination of painkillers and exhaustion pulled me under somewhere near dawn. I didn’t wake again until I felt fingers sifting through my hair. Aya’s hands trying to comfort me. I opened my eyes. I blinked a few times in the sunlight filtering into the room through the barely opened curtains. Standing there was a person I never expected to see again.

Mamoru…Omi. It was time to leave.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Finally finished with my own private pity party I had nothing else to do but try and nap some more. It seemed that I’d only just closed my eyes when a hand on my shoulder shook me awake.

Omi stood over me informing me that we were about to land. I tried not to hyperventilate as I watched the plane touch down.

Money has its privileges and before long we were through the crowded airport and being ushered to a long silver limousine. I wasn’t allowed to carry my bag. It was taken by a young man who was naggingly familiar. I felt like I should know who he was but frankly I was too anxious to give it too much thought. He stowed my luggage in the trunk and got into the driver’s side of the car.

Omi and Nagi got into the back and I climbed in after. Taking the seat directly across from them. I pointedly turned my head towards the window as I was in no mood to chat. I heard an exasperated sigh but chose to ignore it.

I studied the landscape as we left the airport. At every place I recognized I felt my breath hitch a little more. It was all I could do to keep from biting my lower lip bloody. The car was closing in on me and it became hard to breathe. In a near panic I looked out the window and spotted a familiar sign.

Mos Burger. A fast food restaurant chain that I used to frequent.

“Hey…I’m really hungry can we pull in here?” Omi and Nagi looked over at me surprised I’d said anything.

“Ken we’ll be at the penthouse in a little while and I can get some food for you then. I have a full kitchen staff and they can make you anything you’d like.” Omi replied in a rather annoying placating tone.

“No really…I haven’t had a Mos burger in ages. I’d really like one now.” Omi smiled and I really tried not to reach over and punch him.

“All right Ken if that’s what you want.” Omi told his driver to turn around and pull into the drive through.

“No…I’ll go in. I really need to use the john too. Besides I don’t know what I want and I’d hate for you to sit in the drive through lane.” All lies but I really needed to get out of this car now.

“Sure Ken no problem.” There was that accommodating tone again. I just gritted my teeth and waited for the limo to stop.

Once it did I opened my door. As I started to get out Omi grabbed my hand. I couldn’t quite conceal my flinch.

“Here you’ll need some cash.” He pressed several bills into my hand.

“Thanks, I’ll be back out soon.” I got out and glanced back into the limo. Nagi was staring at me with another frown on his face. Like he was trying to figure out if I was up to something. He didn’t stop me though as I went into the burger place.

I spent a little while in the bathroom splashing some cold water on my face. It didn’t do any good. My brain was telling me to run.  
I couldn’t do this. I had to get out of here. Away from them.

Not even thinking about where I was going I went back out into the restaurant. I quickly scanned the place and saw an exit on the opposite side of the building from where the limo was parked.

I went out the door and didn’t waste any time in the parking lot. I went down a side street and kept walking until I hit a rail station. Using some of the cash Omi gave me I hopped on a train. Not caring where it was taking me. I tried to get my breathing under control and nearly doubled over as a coughing fit clawed its way out of my abused lungs. I put up with the glares from fellow passengers as some of the edged away from me.

I was finally able to stand upright after a few moments. I glanced out of the window as the cityscape flashed by. I looked down when I felt a tug at my sleeve. An elderly woman seated near by looked at me in concern.

She asked if I was all right and pressed a small unopened bottle of water into my hand. I told her I was fine and thanked her for the drink. My native language slipping off my tongue as if the last four years never happened.

Uncomfortable with the scrutiny though I got off at the next stop and as I looked around at the crowded city street I wondered what the hell I was going to do next.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: There will be a point of view shift. I’m switching to all third person. It’s been a long time since I revisited this fic and it is my preferred writing method now.

Naru Uhyou Idly looked out the window of the limousine. Stuck for the day as Mamoru Takatori’s driver he sighed and adjusted the earbuds of his Ipod. As a member of the Crashers he truly loathed these milk runs. He had better things to do than play babysitter to a former member of kritiker. But Mamoru wanted to keep this errand ‘in the family’ and thus he drew the short straw. Naru suspected Masato of cheating but Reiichi insisted it was Naru’s turn to play chauffeur.

How long did it take one guy to grab a couple of burgers anyway?

Naru glanced into the backseat and saw Mamoru busy on his tablet with some business matter or another. Nagi at his side with his head resting lightly on his employer's shoulder. It seemed odd to see the young telekinetic dozing in the confines of the car. Normally alert for any threats Nagi was like a vigilant watch dog. Naru truly pitied anyone who dared to threaten Mamoru Takatori. It was not a pretty sight to see someone literally turned inside out. Which, to be honest, creeped Naru the hell out.

Even worse was Nagi’s former teammate and now sometime consultant to Kritiker. A somewhat sadistic man who delighted in stirring up trouble. Naru had no idea why Mamoru kept him around….oh yes, other than the fact that Mamoru demanded loyalty. And who better to assess that than a powerful telepath. It had been surprising really the number of moles in their organization. Mamoru had cleaned house with a ruthless efficiency aided by a red haired maniac known as Schuldig.

Still there was the current problem of what the hell was taking Ken so long to get his food?

“Yo Boss? You think Hidaka passed out in the john or something?” Naru interrupted as he turned in his seat.

Mamoru, startled, glanced at the young member of Crashers then at his watch. He’d become so engrossed in reading a contract that he’d lost track of time. Almost a half an hour had passed since Ken left the Limo. Shit!

“Nagi…wake up. Ken’s not back yet and it’s been almost a half an hour.” Mamoru nudged his lover.

“Huh? God damn it…what now?” Nagi sat up and looked towards the fast food place.

“Want me to go check boss?” Naru added helpfully.

Mamoru rolled his eyes at the blatant tone of disrespect. It didn’t help either that him and Naru were the same age.

“I’ll go…if he’s having some sort of crisis better that he sees a friendly face.” Mamoru opened the door and got out of the car. Nagi close behind.

Mamoru didn’t comment. Nagi would be helpful in controlling Ken if he was having a meltdown. He’d been told by Aya and Chloe about Ken’s violent outbursts.

A few minutes were all it took to ascertain that Ken was no where in the building. Nagi with a disarming smile questioned a flustered cashier. She told them that a man matching Ken’s description left by the side door more than twenty minutes ago.

Mamoru started cursing rather creatively and in several languages as he walked back to the limo. He then pulled out his phone. The head of Kritiker frowned when he dialed a familiar number and it went straight to voicemail. “You had better fucking be there. We have a situation. Pick up Schuldig. Remember I’m the one that signs your rather substantial paychecks.” Then he hung up.

Not more than a minute passed before his phone rang.

Without even a ‘hello’ a rather snide voice came on. “So what catastrophe needs my expertise this time? Or in other words who fucked up what?”

Mamoru briefly described the situation and frowned when rather hysterical laughter interrupted his call.

“You’ve got to be shitting me! The all powerful head of Kritiker and master assassin loses his half dead former teammate. Film at Eleven.” Schuldig crowed.

Mamoru grit his teeth and counted to ten. Seriously one of these days he was going to shoot Schuldig in the face. “Look can you find Ken or not? He’s sick, injured and dangerously unstable.”

“Sounds like another Berserker I used to know.” Schuldig smirked. “Sure I can find your lost kitten. I used to have to go retrieve Farf all the time. Should I bring the straight jacket?”

“Do you really want to die that badly Schuldig? I can have Nagi turn you into the world’s first origami human. Just retrieve Ken and return him intact. No mental coercing or restraints. You got that?” Mamoru ordered as his left eye started to twitch. Dealing with the red headed telepath always did that to him.

“Ah Nagi loves me.” Schuldig started to say.

“No I don’t. In fact you’ve been a constant thorn in my side for years. Just one word and you become the newest piece of modern art in Mamoru’s rather extensive collection.” Nagi replied in a bored monotone.

“Kisses to you too Nags. Now where were we? Kitten retrieval. Double my normal fee since we have a history and all.”

“Done. Remember no violence or coercion.” Mamoru’s head was starting to pound and the fact that Aya would want an update only made the throbbing worse.

“I’ll treat the rabid little assassin with kid gloves. I’ll contact you when I have him. Ta Ta.” Then the line went dead.

“I fucked up Nagi. What the hell am I going to tell Aya? What if Ken does something? What if he gets hurt?” Mamoru slowly got back into the car and sank down onto the plush seat with a sigh.

“Schuldig will find him.” Nagi was quick to reassure his lover. The telekinetic nodded to their young chauffeur and settled back against Mamoru as the car pulled out of the fast food lot.

“Can Schuldig be trusted?” Mamoru wondered.

“To a certain degree. Schu is greedy and has expensive tastes. If he wants to get paid he’ll do the job. Just how he’ll accomplish that is anyone’s guess.” Nagi scooted closer to Mamoru and placed his fingers in the young man’s hair. Gently massaging his scalp to try and ward off the headache he knew was coming.

Mamoru sighed and leaned into his lover. “Your answer did not instill me with a lot of confidence.”

Unable to do much more from the car Nagi instructed Naru to take them back to Takatori tower. There they could coordinate an active search for their wayward agent. It wasn’t that Nagi didn’t trust Schu but he wanted the added reassurance that other Kritiker agents were informed of the situation.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ken wearily leaned against the train station wall and looked out at the crowded platform. Running might not have been his wisest decision but he could not shake the feeling of being trapped. Too many memories assaulted the assassin and being near Mamoru still caused physical pain. There was just too much between them for Ken to accept his help and follow along like a docile imbecile.

Later he’d find some way to contact Aya. After he had some time to get his head together. But for right now he was in desperate need of a place to stay the night. No cash to speak of and Ken didn’t dare use his credit cards. To make matters worse a light drizzle began to fall and his jacket was not going to keep the chill away for long.

Ken ruthlessly stifled a cough and zipped up his jacket before heading out onto the sidewalk. He paused to look up at the leaden sky and then at his surroundings. The assassin knew where he was. Instinct made him take train nearest their old shop.

Memories threatened to swamp him as he slowly headed in that direction. With every block Ken grew more morose. Passing the soccer field where he used to coach the neighborhood kids nearly brought Ken to his knees.

So much had happened since then. So many lies, so many deaths.

Finally he stopped across the street from a familiar building. Gone were the broken windows, bullet ridden front facade and kicked in door. New glass covered the display window with the words Koneko no Sumu Ie stenciled in green. Large flower pots held an array of fall plants and a green striped awning covered the whole width of the building. 

Someone had reopened the shop. Ken literally held his breath as a painfully familiar young woman stepped out the front door holding large orange pumpkin. She placed it on a display and looked up at the stormy October sky.

Aya-chan.

Ken backed up into the shelter of a doorway as a light rain began to fall. He brought a hand up to his mouth to hack into his closed fist. The persistent cough that would not fucking go away. The assassin ignored the pain in his chest as he watched the young woman.

He could clearly see the resemblance to Ran in the curve of her jaw and shape of her nose. Unable to tear himself away he basked in the small measure of comfort looking at Aya brought him. She appeared happy.

At least someone was. 

Ran would be gratified to learn that Aya-chan was all right. Thriving even. He never talked about her. Would shut down instantly if anyone mentioned her name. Ken had no idea if Omi ever tried to send reports as to Aya-chan’s welfare. It seemed that someone was still looking after her though. Ken stayed hidden in the shadows as the young woman tidied up the neat display then went back into the shop. He shivered as the wind drove the mist fine moisture into his alcove. Water beaded on Ken’s bangs as his sweatshirt became uncomfortably damp.

Back to the problem of where he was going to sleep for the night. Ken’s credit cards in his wallet could easily be tracked and he was not ready to go back yet. To be poked and prodded and psychoanalyzed. 

It was fortuitous that Ken’s path led him here. The assassin remembered a stash left on the property in case of an emergency. They’d all had such stashes at one point or another. A small bit of security in such an uncertain time. Hopefully it had never been discovered.

Now the steadily falling rain would help conceal his movement as Ken stealthily made his way to the narrow alley that ran between the shop and the building next door. He counted on the fact that the small glass and brick greenhouse would still be intact.

It was built against the stone wall that surrounded the tidy rear yard of the shop. Ken thought about all the time he’d spent here. Some good memories and some bad but both hurt with the same fierce intensity.

Ken looked around once more and then slipped inside the warm building. He groaned in relief at the change in temperature. He hadn’t realized how cold it was until coming inside the greenhouse. Cautiously Ken wove his way through the narrow aisle to the back of the structure. 

Gone were the shelves that held Ran’s precious orchids. The bright pots lovingly picked out by Omi were also absent from the rows of tables. In their place were many plants and fall flowers that Ken had no problem putting names to. He’d been a florist almost as long as he’d been an assassin. A job Ken still found a bit silly under the circumstances. But one, that in the past, helped to soothe his mind.

But hesitating here caught up in the past was only going to get him discovered. Ken went into the small storage closet in the back and crouched down. He carefully pried up one of the flagstones and laid it to the side. 

A coughing fit took him by surprise and by the time it was over Ken was left gasping and weak. He leaned over and spat into the dirt. Choosing to ignore the red tinge in what he’d coughed up. Ken needed to get somewhere and lie down before he passed out.

The relief he felt at seeing the shoe-box sized plastic container was palpable. Ken picked it up and brushed off the dirt. He opened the lid and stared at the neat stacks of cash. Hastily stuffing his pockets Ken emptied the box and dropped it back into the hole. Not even bothering to put the stone back. There was really no point.

Ken staggered to his feet and went to the door. He froze when the back gate opened and a young man walked into the yard. The person was wearing an unzipped black jacket and blue jeans with a ball cap pulled down low on his head. When he paused to latch the gate the jacket gaped open and Ken could clearly see the outline of a gun. 

Shit! Ken thought. Aya-chan was not safe after all. There was no way he was going to let anyone hurt Ran’s sister.

Ken stayed hidden in the doorway until the stranger had almost passed him by. Then he silently slipped behind. Ken wrapped one arm around the man’s torso pinning his arms and the other around his throat.

“Don’t move. Who are you and what are you doing here with a gun.” Ken rasped into the Intruder’s ear. He had quite a bit of trouble hanging onto the young man once he started to struggle.

The cap flew off the man’s head revealing light golden brown hair.

“Hidaka? What the hell?”

Ken’s grip loosened in surprise at hearing his name.

Twisting violently and shoving his elbow hard into Ken’s chest the young man broke the hold on him.

Ken doubled over in pain. The hit was too close to the healing scar tissue from his gunshot wound. He dropped to the ground unable to catch his breath. Kneeling in the dirt Ken looked up and squinted through the tearing heat radiating through his body.

“Pawn?” Shakily Ken raised his hand. The one that now held a gun.

Naru’s hand felt for his weapon in the armpit holster. He knew already that it was gone.

“Put the gun down Ken. You need to come in. We can help you.” Naru reasoned.

Ken bit back a laugh. “Yeah like you all so helpfully locked me up the last time to rot in prison. No thank you. I can handle this myself.”

Despite feeling like he might puke the gun in Ken’s hand never wavered.

“Look you’re just making this hard on yourself. You’re obviously sick. Mamoru is frantic to find you. Let me take you to him.” Naru edged a bit closer as Ken slowly got to his feet.

“Naru? What’s going on? I heard voices and…” The female voice trailed off.

Ken instinctively swung the gun around to point at the new intruder.

Only to find he was aiming the gun square at Ran’s sister. She looked terrified and unsure what to do next.

With no thought to his own safety Naru sprang at the former Weiss assassin and tackled him.

The gun flew out of Ken’s hand as he hit the ground hard.

“Aya go back into the shop now! I’ll handle this!” Naru yelled as he struggled to pin the thrashing ex-jock.

“Get off me!” Ken yelled. The rush from the fight giving him a surge of strength. 

Ken got his legs up and under Naru. He kicked out hard and Naru went flying backward. Right into the glass greenhouse door. He crashed through the panes and landed in a heap. Striking his head sharply against the flagstone floor. He lay there stunned amid the shards of glass and door frame.

Forgetting about the gun Ken scrambled to his feet and took off. He ran without any thought to direction. He just needed to get away. As far and as fast as he could.

Horrified Aya-chan ran to Naru’s side and knelt next to her fallen fiancee. 

Naru groaned as Aya helped him to sit up.

“Naru are you alright? Who was that? Should I call the police?” Mindful of the broken glass Naru rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. His only thought was that Mamoru was going to kill him.

“No police. It’s...I know him. He’s a co-worker going through some rough times. His family asked us to look after him. He’s not dangerous, really. Just a bit lost. Here help me up.” Naru leaned on Aya as he got unsteadily to his feet. Despite being ill Ken still packed quite a punch.

Aya frowned at her fiancee. “You mean you both work for Kritiker?”

Naru was so startled he simply gaped at Aya. Mouth open wide enough to catch flies.

Aya continued as if she had not just dropped one hell of a bombshell. “I’m not stupid you know. All those years of a mysterious benefactor, hushed conversations, midnight meetings. Needing a gun because you worked for a private security firm? I mean why would Mamoru Takatori take an interest in me? Plus you really shouldn’t leave your passwords where just anyone can find them.”

 

“What? How? We are going to talk about this later. In depth and possibly resulting in therapy for me. Jeez Aya you just can’t spring things like that on me. It’s a good thing you love me. Since now I have to report in. I might be hiding behind you when Mamoru finds out.” Naru managed as he pulled out his cell phone.

“Yeah about that talk. It’s way overdue. Lying to me all this time. For what? My own good? Believe me we’ll have that talk and it’s a good thing I love you too. You might just come out more or less intact.” Aya replied smugly as she led her fiance into the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mamoru hung up the phone and barely resisted throwing the offending object against the wall. 

Nagi merely raised one eyebrow as he watched his lover curse.

“How did this turn into one giant clusterfuck? I mean Ken’s only been in Japan for eight hours.” Mamoru chose to slam the cell phone down onto his desk instead. He leaned against his chair and ran his hand over his face.

“What happened?” Nagi moved behind his boss and began to knead the tense muscles in the youngest Takatori’s neck.

“According to Naru Uhyou, Ken made his way to the Koneko. He then proceeded to attack Naru and before fleeing he took something from under one of the flagstones in the greenhouse. So he’s seen Aya-chan and now knows she’s involved with one of the Crashers. And if that weren’t enough apparently no one can accuse Ran’s sister of being dumb. She knows about Kritiker and that Naru works for us. How much she knows remains to be seen. Ran is going to kill me.” Mamoru groaned and leaned back into his lover. He was so tired but didn’t dare head to bed yet. He needed to contact Schuldig for an update.

“Well it was kind of expected that our little business would spill over into Naru and Aya’s life. She remembered too much after her coma and the explanations she was given at the time were bound to make her curious. As for Ken he’s seeking out what’s familiar. You’ll have to think on that and give Schu a list of possible locations.”


End file.
